My Point, And I Do Have One

I just realized I haven’t written in my blog in about two and a half months, which is a lifetime for a world that clamors for my every pearl of wisdom. I suppose we are all fortunate that such a world does not actually exist. Hello, internet! How are you? I am well. Did you know that I completely upended my life and started going to acupuncture school? Six weeks into it, I know a significant percentage of bones and muscles in the human body, fourteen real-life acupuncture points along the Heart and Pericardium meridians, and the mating habits of several friendly crickets that have gotten into the building. One was watching me go to the bathroom the other day, I swear.

A friend, in commenting about my sudden disappearance from the rest of my life, requested that I write a little bit here about what acupuncture school is like. He may be under the impression that I have been whisked away to a secret castle and sorted into Gryffindor, where I am learning esoteric magicks and mystical remedies. He may be under this impression because that is what I told him, but please understand that SOMETHING has to get me out of bed at six-thirty in the morning, and it might as well be the conviction that I have some chance of running into Professor Snape.

Seriously, I could go into what we do, but it may lose a little in the decontextualization. It is, most unfortunately, not Hogwarts material. Five Element acupuncture (our discipline; there are lots of other kinds, too) is based upon the five very basic phases of energetic movement in nature: the gestation, the growth, the full bloom, the harvest, and the letting go. These are also called the water, the wood, the fire, the earth, and the metal; or the winter, the spring, the summer, the late summer, and the fall. While these are, to a large extent, made-up concepts, the phenomena they describe appear to be intrinsic to all life and every situation. The simple goal of Five Element acupuncture is to encourage the patient to experience these energies in a balanced fashion in his/her body, mind, and life experience, because things can get ugly on the wellness front if they are out of balance.

This master’s degree is based upon making that simple goal infinitely complicated by introducing all sorts of organs and muscles and pathways and points and pulses and what-not, so if you want to know where I’ll be for the next three years, look behind a stack of books and flashcards.

Now . . . any other questions? We might as well clear all of this up now because in about two years when my time in the student clinic starts and I have to start generating patients to graduate, everyone reading this is going to be marched at needle-point into my clutches . . . my clutches of healing love.