My, those are celebratory chupacabras. This couple has been wining and dining me since I graduated from acupuncture school last week and subsequently became licensed by a rogue Maryland state agency to embed steel spikes into the unsuspecting public. My attempts to work chupacabras and steel spikes into my advertising campaigns have proven unsatisfying, however, and I therefore resort to “qi” and “harmony” and other bromides meant to be murmured over the trickling water fountains of your local wellness center. But this is a kick-ass healing system, people. Do you see those chupacabras merrily sipping that pinot noir in the above documentary photo? Here is what they looked like before they sought refuge in my steel spikes of healing love:
And for reference, here is a steel spike of healing love, an Excalibur of rejuvenation embedded in crisp cotton bedding, fit to be be wielded only by a true M.Ac. who has endured three arduous years of . . .
Blah blah blah. Anyway. Whatever. No time for chitchat. Word of my miraculous chupacabra-vivifying abilities is getting out. And look, pinot noir.