I am a knitting failure. I bought the wrong needles! Oh, I look back, mortified by the cocky arrogance in my last post. Then, I was on top of the world. Then, I envisioned a dashing future of knitting by day and being a killing machine by night. Now, the hard, cold hand of reality has whomped me with a bitch slap to rival no other bitch slap in living memory, save perhaps the slap Mommie Dearest gave Christina when she was pulled out of boarding school, the heretofore standard in bitch slapping and the official “Bitch Slap Heard ‘Round the World” of nineteen eighty-one.

Donna Beth Joy Shapiro specifically told me to buy scarf needles.

I bought sock needles.

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