Spanish Speculation

You’re such a die-hard fan of this weblog that you go back and check for new comments on posts from weeks and months ago, so I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Apparently my Chupacabra Fridays have been retroactively attracting the attention of various Spanish-speaking Earthlings who speculate as to the truth behind the legends. My proficiency in their funny talk is sufficient to note that some seem to think the chupacabra is an experiment of the American government who escaped captivity and now roams the lands in search of livestock to drain of bodily fluids. I am not convinced, and my response is basically the same as it is to the conspiracy theorists who blame the government for 9/11: We’re talking about George W. Bush and Dick Cheney here. Sure, they’re evil enough for all that and more, but they’re also the most incompetent duo since Lippy the Lion and Har De Har Har. These are people who fire scientists who actually believe in doing science as opposed to simply rubber-stamping the press releases from oil companies and televangelists. Are we supposed to believe that they have masterminded something as sleek, beautiful, intelligent, and elusive as the chupacabra? The chupacabra is primal magic. It was not prayed into existence by someone who can’t pronounce “nuclear.”

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