Hello. I hope you can hear me over the deafening clamor for my return. Hello. Hello. That ticker-tape parade might be a bit much, but thank you. Where do you even get ticker tape in this day and age? I applaud this initiative, but it was unnecessary. You could have just thrown iPads, which are readily available, and when I say “thrown iPads,” I mean, “placed the unopened iPad boxes gently in the back of my car.”


So, look, I am not only writing this because it was on my to-do list. It was on my to-do list plenty of times in the past few weeks and did not get to-done. Daffodil season came and went without any insightful comments from yours truly. I have plenty of ideas on the subject of marathons and quasi-domestic terror.

I am writing now because I missed you.

And I could also use a new iPad.

7 Responses to “Hello.”

  1. Jeffrey says:

    Let me know how that blatant plea for an iPad thing works out for you, because, you know, who couldn’t use a new iPad?

  2. David says:

    Yeah, but you have to be as lovable as I am.

  3. Jeffrey C says:

    Wait just a sec, Mister. Absent all this time and you don’t come back on your knees groveling for forgiveness?

    And instead you want us to send you an iPad?

    Me. Thinks. Not.

    But I would send you a Jr. Etch-a-Sketch.

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