Goblin and I continue to

Goblin and I continue to work our way through our recent epistolary windfall, and we have gone back to slightly revise paragraphs in others for accuracy, although we never claimed accuracy as one of our virtues. (At least we are more honest about this deficit than the mendacious Mr. Limbaugh.)

I’m coming over to Manhattan in March and looking for advice on places to eat, and good theater. I live in London (England), occasionally dip into blogs, and often read yours.

I’ve booked a couple of shows to see (The Producers and Urinetown), and been to NYC four times before, and looking for advice on something different this time!

Hope you can help,

David responds:
As I almost never leave the Upper West Side, many of the things I would recommend are located in that vicinity. I do not pretend that they are quintessential New York experiences, only that they are decent things to do if you find yourself living on West 83rd Street and do not feel like getting on a subway or, god help you, a bus. (Actually, the buses are decent, I simply do not know where they go.)

The Museum of Natural History is largely boring but worth a look. The Metropolitan Museum, almost directly across the park from me, is much more interesting. Drip, on Amsterdam between 83rd and 84th Streets, is the best café on the UWS; some nights during the week, one might relax there with a green tea and watch how people behave on blind dates. Edgar’s (on West 84th at Broadway) and Lalo (on West 83rd at Amsterdam) are two pricier cafés with good deserts. Fred’s and Hi-Life are two restaurants on the corner of 83rd Street and Amsterdam that have good food.

No trip to New York City may be called complete without a visit to the Apple Store, located in SoHo at the intersection of Prince and Greene Streets. It is a gleaming temple where dreams come true, and one of the only destinations for which I will leave my own neighborhood.

Good heavens, I need to get out more.

Goblin responds:
Welcome welcome welcome! Welcome to New York! I was born in Maryland but now I live in New York. Daddy says I’m a city dog. Daddy says if I want to be the welcome wagon I have to stop licking people but I can’t help it!

*lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick*

Daddy says he never leaves our neighborhood but that’s not true. Daddy is a snob but we used to live in Queens so I don’t know how snobby you can be with that sort of thing in your past. Daddy goes out sometimes and leaves me all day and I make a nest under the covers on his bed and sleep there. He goes to the gym and to see his acupuncturist in Midtown and down to the Lower East Side to where Uncle Bobby works.


Oh yeah. Advice. I think you should go to a place in Central Park called Squirrel Holler because that’s where lots of squirrels run around. It’s not really called Squirrel Holler but that’s what Daddy named it for me. It’s by the Diana Ross playground. Squirrel Holler is a better name than Diana Ross if you ask me. If you go there you can chase squirrels like I do. Evil evil evil squirrels! Daddy says I’m the Queen of Central Park.


Also go over to MoMA Queens to see the Matisse Picasso exhibit and to Krispy Kreme to get the best doughnuts ever and to A Salt and Battery to get deep-fried Mars bars. And take the Staten Island Ferry but don’t get off at Staten Island because there’s nothing there and you get to pass the Statue of Liberty. And walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and read about its history which is astounding. And walk past the boat basin in Riverside park because there are some squirrels over there too. I think they all moved over there from Central Park when they heard there was a new Queen in town.

*scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch*

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