People always act sympathetic when they learn that my birthday is the day before Christmas, but the real horror (for one approaching his mid-twenties, as I am) is having a birthday near the New Year, both a birthday and January first being traditional times of contemplation and resolution. As you well know, contemplation and resolution are the cosmic mud puddles in which I spend most of my life mired—often with only my nostrils, hippolike, above the surface—so you might imagine that this is usually an especially irksome time of year.

Today, I have decided to break free from tradition and celebrate life, rather than merely think about it. For the next week, my posts will be quotes from and/or links to some of the fun and bizarre phenomena I’ve discovered on the Internet in two thousand four.

To kick off this feast week in my honor, we have Request, a short film by zefrank.

Jesus who, biyatch?