05.23.2005
Are You There, World?
Who’s that knock knock knockin’ on the door? Oh yes, it’s me! Back from the abyss! Really, I had only dropped into the abyss for tea on Monday last, but you can’t imagine the hassle it is to pull yourself away once the abyss pulls out its vacation slides.
So, what’s new with you? What’s new with me is that a bird pooped on the back of my neck while I was on my way to a party last week. It got a big splat on the collars of my blazer and my nice shirt . . . unknown to me until I put my coat on the hostess’s bed. The man who was with me when I noticed it somehow managed to personally confide this riveting information to everyone in the vicinity within nine seconds; when I emerged from the bathroom after having dabbed at the spots with a wet tissue, every eye darted in my direction and a murmur of “bird poop bird poop bird poop” went up from the crowd.
What’s new with Goblin is that I got her a movie deal. She is going to appear in (read: star in) a documentary about dogs in our neighborhood. After an evening of filming, we received word from the filmmakers that Goblin was simply the most posh and fascinating dog in town, praise that went directly to her little head with such rapidity that her pointy bat ears flapped in the breeze. She now goes nowhere without an entourage of twelve and has been seen dancing in clubs that even I can’t get into. And what's with all the bling, Goblin Foo?
Okay, I have to go now . . . the abyss is taking me to its timeshare in Boca.
posted by
David at 10:33 AM
Sigh... I knew her when...
Also, you sure seem to get pooped on by birds a lot.
posted by:
jwer on 05.23.2005 at 11:51 AM
I hope she remembers all the little people she stepped on on her way up. (And I mean literally stepped on.)
Re: bird poop, perhaps you should begin to affect a parasol.
posted by: Rindy on 05.23.2005 at 11:59 AM
OK; next year I'll be begging her to come to Portugal and at the Award Ceremony dinner the King of Spain will be demanding that he sits next to Goblin and I'll have to tell him, "No. La Divina Goblinova has consented to attend only if she is sat next to David Beckham".
You and Rob will be flown over coach and put up in a garret and be down on the guestlist as 'Stylists - no tix, no invites'. It is a tough old world, neh?
posted by: campbell on 05.23.2005 at 12:15 PM
You were missed while in the abyss! That Goblin is such a stylish princess, love that she's a star now! I, too, have been hit by bird poop, but mine was right ouside the door of high school, quite traumatic with witnesses. POOP on the man with the big mouth! Maybe karma will get him back (or a high-flying bird, we can all hope!)
posted by:
Christine on 05.23.2005 at 2:13 PM
Once a bird managed to poop on my crotch as I was walking down the street. Trying to clean it off as I continued walking made me look like a pervert, as did the resulting stain.
BTW, if you decide to start carrying a parasol, you really should wear gloves and carry a lace fan as well.
posted by:
Crash on 05.23.2005 at 2:43 PM
Who's a movie star? Who's a movie star? Hello! Hello!
posted by:
Cara on 05.23.2005 at 4:55 PM
Oh goodness, will Goblin become a snob? I know fame can really go to a good dog's head. Once my beloved Bindu bit an officer of the law and this made her tremendously popular in our social circle, as you might imagine. It went straight to her head. They started calling her Hitler soon afterward.
Hopefully your clothes weren't ruined. I myself have a rather extensive collection of peacock poop on the hood of my jeep, if that makes you feel any better.
posted by:
Mush on 05.23.2005 at 5:22 PM
Go Goblin!
posted by:
DK on 05.23.2005 at 9:44 PM
jwer: apprently D's nickname at his Salsa Knitting class is Tippi Hendren.
posted by: campbell on 05.24.2005 at 4:22 AM
Well! Now she HAS to have an action figure!!!
posted by:
Hanuman on 05.24.2005 at 9:12 AM
Jwer: I think this is the first time I was pooped on by birds, but they use my car like a regular latrine.
Rindy: The funny thing is, they pooped on me EVEN THOUGH I was ALREADY affecting a parasol!
Campbell: Can't I at least sit next to David Beckham? It doesn't have to be at the ceremony. It can be in my hotel room.
Christine: Thank you. I suspect it was the same bird, who for some reason has it in for both of us.
Crash: Ah, you see! The same bird strikes again! Can I borrow your lace fan?
Cara: Goblin is!!!!!
Mush: I am rather in awe, as I can't imagine how one goes about getting peacock poop on the hood of his jeep. Or peahen poop, for that matter. I suppose this is a new problem I need to be on the lookout for.
DK: She went.
Campbell: I hate you.
Hanuman: Either that or a fifty-foot statue.
posted by:
David on 05.24.2005 at 1:56 PM
Her jeep, actually. And the way one goes about it is that she lives in rural Iowa on 26 acres and has a peacock running around honking and pooping and doing the sexy dance for the cat. We call him (the peacock, not the cat) the blue chicken. As in, "Hi, blue chicken! Want some kibbles?" (because he hangs out by our back door and begs for dog food) or "lookit the blue chicken, he's roosting in a branch DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HEAD YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE YOUR LAWN CHAIR."
posted by:
Mush on 05.24.2005 at 6:02 PM
Blue chicken? Sounds like a Beverly Hillbillies line like 'cement pond' or 'fancy eatin' room'.
posted by:
Crash on 05.26.2005 at 3:59 PM
In Romania, bird poop on you is lucky.
posted by:
Maktaaq on 05.27.2005 at 2:27 PM
OH nO! bird FECES!
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