06.05.2005
Three Years of Vast Success

Jesus God, it’s my blogiversary. I’ve been writing this nonsense for three years today; going by the number of words alone, that’s two novels’ worth. Considering I seem to have stalled somewhere around one third of the way through my real novel, I suppose it’s clear where I should have been channeling my energy.

Just kidding! I love you, dear reader. I would never write some stupid, critically acclaimed book that will become a bestseller and earn me millions of dollars if it meant I couldn’t give you regular updates about my dog’s poop.

So what have you done in the past three years? I’d tell you what I’ve done, but I forgot. That’s what the archives are for. Sometimes, I click through to see what I was doing on THIS DAY IN HISTORY. For example, on this day, three years ago, I started this web log:

Credit where it is due. I have wickedly stolen the idea of a web log from my friend Joe, who writes about his sex life, and Wesley Crusher, who writes about why he is not as obnoxious as he appears on television. (LIES? On TV?!?!) I do not yet know what I will write about, but readers who share my actual experiences will no doubt notice that I have spruced them up for publication. I cannot be blamed for this; I am not a notably exciting person. Those of you in Tennessee who imagine that life in New York City is an everlasting and inevitable pageant of theater, gallery openings, and nights on the town have never witnessed my typical day of sitting around the apartment, in my pajamas, entranced alternately by whatever is on the computer screen and reruns of "Three's Company."

This is like “Inside the Music.” I wish we could have a televised retrospective with a bunch of talking heads discussing my blogging career. I could reveal all of my secrets. For example, “Joe” in the paragraph above is a code name for none other than Faustus (which has since been revealed to be a code name for someone else).*

Then Joe/Faustus/Someone Else would pop up on the screen and credit me for all of his vast success to date, and then they’d cut to me crediting him with saving me from going insane. Then Rob would pop up on the screen and credit me for all of his vast success to date, and Goblin would comment on that time we dropped acid and came back to our senses in a squirrel lair in Central Park. Good times.

A lot can change in three years. On 5 June 2002, I was unemployed, as crazy as a loon, and wrestling with the sneaking suspicion that the writing was on the wall for my relationship with Rob. On 5 June 2005, I am unemployed, as crazy as a loon, and happily married to Rob.

OK, this is getting self-indulgent, but if anyone else wants to credit me with all of his or her vast success to date, the comments are open.


* I didn’t know how to make links back then. Also, I have since stopped watching “Three’s Company.”

posted by David at 12:37 AM | trackBack
Comments

Hapyp blogiversary, and congratulations on kicking your addiciton to "Three's Company."

posted by: Jeffrey on 06.05.2005 at 11:24 AM

Argh! I meant "happy"! "Hapyp" is more like the noise one makes when one has the hiccups. Oy. I need more coffee....

posted by: Jeffrey on 06.05.2005 at 11:26 AM

Happy Blogiversary!

If it wasn't for you, dear David, I would never have ventured into the Blogosphere! Thanks Dahling!

P.S. New blog, new address: www.nembutsuandchai.blogspot.com!!

posted by: Hanuman on 06.05.2005 at 5:31 PM

Yes, a very happy one.

Oh, and it's my third too.

posted by: Maktaaq on 06.06.2005 at 12:18 AM

Dear David,
We are friends because of the internet, and that is rad. Happy blog anniversary.
Love,
Cara

posted by: Cara on 06.06.2005 at 2:45 AM

David is responsible for my vast success to date. Those people who look at my life and wonder why, if I am vastly successful, there are no trappings of success whatsoever, should not blame David.

posted by: Crash on 06.06.2005 at 11:11 AM

Congrad'ulation's! I also married, crazy, and unemployed, er, self-employed! More about poop, please.

posted by: Licketysplit on 06.06.2005 at 5:32 PM

Jeffrey: Thank you. Jack and Janet and Chrissy are less than thrilled, but they are off hiccoughing in the kitchen with the Ropers.

Hanuman: Thank you. That is very touching, if perplexing. Congratulations on your new blog.

Maktaaq: I'm on my third shot of Stoli at the moment. I don't know if that counts. Thanks. :)

Cara: We are friends because of cosmic justice and the fabulous blogiversary cake you currently have in the oven.

Crash: Thank you for that incredibly touching testimony and disclaimer. You have SOME trappings of success. Your blog is linked to mine, isn't it?

Licketysplit: The poop on being self-employed? That's what I meant, self-employed. It feels so much like being unemployed except infinitely more traumatic.

Everyone who didn't offer testimony to my towering success: I'm trying to decide if I hate you. Ha ha.

posted by: David on 06.07.2005 at 12:39 AM

David! Darling!! Three years?! It hardly seems like three minutes!!! Whatever did I do with my time before I fell into your bloggoverse?

Actually, I know the answer to that question but it is not really to be mentioned in a genteel forum like this one.

Congratulations and love to all at Casa Goblin.

C

posted by: campbell on 06.07.2005 at 5:01 AM

Wow, three whole years!? Congratulations to you, and may the next three be filled with as many adventures. And may we all get to read about them.

posted by: MzOuiser on 06.07.2005 at 12:21 PM

Congratulations!

posted by: Mushlette on 06.08.2005 at 1:22 PM

Campbell: Bless your heart. Why are you so far away when my ego is so in need of your constant presence?

MzOuiser: Bless your heart. Can you insert a caveat that the adventures need not be monsoons blowing off my roof? That's a dear.

Mushiette: Thank you!

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