09.19.2007
Andomray
Today, I went to the dry cleaner to pick up some shirts. I am well known by that dry cleaner for paying and then leaving my shirts hanging on the rack while I drive merrily away. Today, I said, “I’m really going to take them this time.”
“I wonder about you,” said the dry cleaner.
“Well, the truth is, I don’t come here for my shirts at all. I just come here to see you.”
The dry cleaner tittered like a schoolgirl. “What a thing to say!”
Kill them with kindness, that’s my motto. That is, if you don’t have a cornfield handy.
*
Today, I went to see the mad scientist. This was at the recommendation of my dracula and my other health care professional for whom I have not invented a pithy name. I dumped a lot in the mad scientist’s lap, and he dumped a lot in my lap in the form of dramatic diagnoses and a prescription. I don’t know if I can deal with more prescriptions in my life. The antibiotics are bad enough, and my prescriptions never say anything like, “Smile more!!!!!!!!” If a little piece of paper told me to smile more, I really would. Instead, they tell me to imbibe demonic-sounding compounds that contain either too many or too few vowels. “A,” I’ve noticed, is a popular vowel around the prescription pad.
*
Yesterday,
I turned down an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Now I expect the cement shoes.
But the funny thing is that the blues
I got months ago when I first heard the news
Sort of went away.
Yesterday.
posted by
David at 9:50 PM
I'm proud of you for making a tough decision!
posted by: Amy on 09.19.2007 at 11:49 PM
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I've just critiqued the Fall/Spring menswear collections from New York Fashion Week.
Trust me. Cement shoes are so totally over.
I want to be clever, but the sleep aid I took 20 minutes ago has kicked in and I cannot remember my name. Once it hits the bloodstream, I lose 20 IQ points. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
posted by:
Jeffrey on 09.21.2007 at 2:01 AM
"Kill them with kindness, that’s my motto. That is, if you don’t have a cornfield handy."
That is a wonderful motto.
For "cornfield," could I also say "hammer"?
posted by: Rindy on 09.22.2007 at 12:21 AM
I say, yes! "Hammer" is honest and direct in comparison with "Cornfield" that works them over stealthily as high fructose syrup - oh so yummy! barb
posted by: Barb on 09.22.2007 at 1:09 PM
Just wanted to say thanks for the blog. It always brings a smile to my face. I am sure writing all the time can become a chore, but wanted you to know some readers really appreciate it...
And I love Boston Terriers...my first was named Sparticus.
posted by: Michael McD on 09.23.2007 at 9:18 PM
Amy: I'm proud of you for making it months before I did.
Jeffrey: Take another one and meet me in my ready room.
Rindy: In theory, yes.
Barb: Oh wait... THAT was the message of that "Twilight Zone" episode. The cornfield was a warning about high fructose syrups, and the omnipotence was a commentary on the Bay of Pigs or something. They say TV is not an art form, but it really is.
Michael McD: Did Sparticus put you up to being so nice? Anyway, it worked. I dedicate my latest entry to you. The ensuing paparazzi is the price of such an honor.
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