Hold me to my every word
Forget about the things you heard
Time will conquer
Time will state
We owe every tear to fate

You know I’m not crazy.
You know I’m not crazy.
You know I’m not crazy.
You know I’m not crazy.

Hello, poppets. My, have we been on a roller-coaster ride. It’s all good because tomorrow I’m ending it all: I’m going to hang myself some new curtains! Well, they’re not exactly curtains, more like these weird fabric panel things I got at IKEA that I have to cut to the proper length before hanging. This takes a while, not necessarily to wield the scissors, but do you know how time consuming it is to throw a tantrum every time I cut a crooked line across fine polyester? I am going to be so ostracized from the neighborhood beautification project. That is just a sneaking suspicion.

Someone I know opened a new café this week so I dropped by to wish him luck and realized his prices are much higher than the prices in my café, even though our drinks are like a million times better AND we have organic milk and stuff. Not like it’s a competition or anything but I am totally going to raise my prices. The free ride is so over, you have no idea. How does $18.00 for a latte sound? What, you say that you are too poor because of the insanely selfish economic policies of rich Republicans? And this is my problem how?

Look, the way I see it is this: we as a nation are not going to get anywhere until there are some rich liberals in charge. I am liberal but as poor as a stone. If a million people order my organic super-delicious lattes for $18.00 a pop, I can get the resources I need to look out for the little guy. This is a sacred trust I would inaugurate by repainting my house, possibly doing something with stone veneer, and installing new lighting fixtures. And did anyone say NEW KITCHEN? Why yes, I think I will have one of those, too, thank you. Not that I ever venture into the kitchen for anything other than my fistfuls of vitamins, the corn chips I eat for dinner every night Rob is away, and the gallons of wine with which I wash down these culinary delights. But a new kitchen would be nice, and also some pellet stoves and new landscaping in the backyard to replace the dead and weed-choked landscaping that has been loitering out there for years. I feel like I’m living in Gargamel’s hovel.

And you can be assured that once I get my own life straightened out, I will use the remaining pennies of my resources to help the world’s downtrodden. Eighteen-dollar lattes! Get em while they’re hot! Or cold, I don't care. I'm not the one who has to drink them.